Posts Tagged ‘in my defense i’m sorry’

As requested a follow up to ‘Oh fuck, oh fuck’ part 2 of ‘Goddamn Hero’, based on the angst prompt “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere”

~~~~~~~~~

It had been 7 hours since they started trying to wake Zane up, 420 minutes since they’d started to reduce the sedation medication he was on, 25,200 seconds and still no sign that his husband was going to open his eyes.

Ty was sick with worry.

He knew it wouldn’t happen instantly, he’d been warned as much but he had expected to see something before now, especially after what had happened earlier.

Two hours after they’d reduced the medication the ventilator had alarmed. Ty was on his feet instantly, holding Zane’s hand to his chest. Two nurses had run into the room followed by Digger and Kelly. Ty had tried to keep hold of Zane’s hand, one minute he was right there the next at the other side of the room. Digger’s arms wrapped around him from behind while Kelly stood in front of him, both hands on his face forcing Ty to look at him. There was a throbbing in the pressure points in his wrists.  

The shouting he could hear – he eventually realised – was coming from himself.

Once he’d managed to calm himself, Kelly had pulled his head down. Ty let him, after what could only be described as a pathetic attempt at resistance. Resting his forehead against Kelly’s shoulder, he tried to hear the reassuring words Doc was muttering next to his ear, while rubbing the back of Ty’s neck. He couldn’t make anything out, the alarm was too loud, he couldn’t understand what was going on.

Looking up over Kelly’s shoulder, all Ty could see was a flurry of activity around Zane. He happened to be looking towards the head of the bed when they pulled the tube out of Zane’s throat, he was pretty sure that’s the point his legs gave out.

The next thing he was aware of was being sat down, in his previously abandoned chair, against the far wall. Digger had a hand on each shoulder and Kelly was knelt in front of him, leaning against his knees and still talking. He could hear what Kelly was saying this time, the alarm was silent.

A nurse approached and Kelly had stood to intercept him, returning to his place at Ty’s knee after a few quick words and nods.

“He’s breathing on his own Ty” Kelly had smiled at him “The ventilator detected breathing and alarmed to let the staff know” Ty must have looked at him blankly causing Kelly to continue “This is a good thing, Six. He’s strong enough to breath for himself, this is a very good thing”

Ty stood to get a better look at Zane, he felt Digger’s hands slide off his shoulders but knew he hadn’t gone far. Fuck, Zane had looked so small, how the hell a 6’5’’ 220lb guy could appear small was beyond him, but somehow his husband was managing it.

They’d both strongly suggested that Ty should try and get some sleep as it would most likely be awhile before Zane awoke, anything up to and in some cases beyond 24 hours. Sounding like a two year old he’d told them to get some sleep. Only to be informed that they had and that Nick and Owen were currently napping in the relatives room down the corridor. Sidewinder had been taking it in shifts to make sure someone was always around if Ty needed them.      

“Told you to get some proper, lying horizontal sleep while he was medicated” Kelly smiled at him “I can sit with him if you like, promise I’ll wake you if anything happens”

“Maybe in a bit” Ty had replied, patting Kelly’s shoulder, they both knew he had no intention of following that advice.

Five hours later Zane was still unconscious and receiving mechanical breathing assistance via the mask that securely covered his mouth and nose. Ty had questioned Kelly about that and once again he’d been reassured that it was normal. Zane would be weak, so although the machine wasn’t breathing for him anymore it was assisting Zane’s natural breathing to make sure he got enough oxygen.

Kelly had also gone over some of the possible side effects Zane might have when he woke – confusion, aggression, random movements, vacant expressions, unable to respond in correct manner – Digger had accused Kelly of looking it all up on wikipedia which Kelly didn’t deny. He’d also apparently been reading staff training notices and quizzing them, having gained the favour of a couple of the overworked nurses when he’d offered to help them turn a few of the patients. Whenever it had come to Zane’s treatment Ty had assisted them, those few moments where the only times he hadn’t felt completely useless.

“You could always try pinching him”

Ty turned to face Kelly “Lurking there long Doc?”

“Just got here” Kelly said approaching the bed, he gave Zane a quick assessment before looking at Ty more intently “Don’t worry, you’re not losing your touch just yet”

“He’s not waking up Doc” Ty sighed, sitting back in the chair, he’d pulled to the head of the bed. His fingers were tangled with the fingers of Zane’s left hand, his thumb rubbing over Zane’s wedding ring tattoo.

“Give him time” Kelly’s voice was soft “He’ll wake when he’s ready”

“How can you be so confident?”

“Someone’s got to be” Kelly dropped the paper bag he was carrying on Ty’s lap.

Ty looked at him, raising an eyebrow “Weren’t you getting some sleep?”

“First I was getting some food, now I’m bringing you some food” Kelly patted Ty’s shoulder before rounding the bed to stand on the other side of the sleeping man, washing his hands with the sanitiser gel at the bottom of the bed as he passed “It’s a plain bagel, figured your stomach won’t be up to much. Eat, then I’ll go sleep”

“Always the Doc huh?”

Kelly hummed a confirmation as he leaned over Zane, no doubt checking a few things for himself, going so far as to lift one of his eyelids “All his scans looked good and his blood gas results aren’t much to worry about”

Ty reluctantly let go of Zane’s hand and removed the bagel from the bag, tearing it into small chunks before eating each piece slowly. He really wasn’t in the mood for food but his stomach seem to appreciate the thought.    

“You know this how?”

“I read his patient file while you were not sleeping earlier” Kelly shrugged “Didn’t think you’d mind and well, if he minds he’ll have to wake up and shout at me for it won’t he?”

“Do you miss it?” Ty questioned out of the blue “The corpsman stuff?” he clarified when Kelly didn’t answer

“Sometimes, don’t miss seeing you lot injured though, then again we’re never not injured for long”

“What’s the verdict?” Ty asked nodding towards Zane

“I’d say it’s nothing to worry about yet, he’s a big guy so they probably had to pump a fair amount of sedative into him to keep him under. Drugs and alcohol can have an effect but he’s been clean for years…” Kelly trailed off as Ty nodded the confirmation “So yeah, not too worried”

Ty chewed on his bottom lip slightly before voicing one of his main concerns “I’m worried about his eyesight, y’no after what happened before”

“Oh, yeah he was blind when we first met him” Kelly nodded, obviously recalling the memories “A weekend of explosions, bank robberies and finding out a third of the team was into banging dudes. Also no paintball”

“Doc…” Ty knew what Kelly was doing, trying to distract and lighten the situation but right now he was just beyond exhausted, all he wanted was to see Zane open his gorgeous eyes and be able to see him.

“They won’t be able to assess that until he wakes up” Kelly moved back around the bed to stand at Ty’s side “I wasn’t kidding about the pinching him thing, seriously try it”

Ty gave him a skeptical look, raising an eyebrow “Four days ago he was hit by a car, crushing a little girl, breaking his pelvis and head in the process and has just spent three days in a coma…” Kelly was nodding “And now you want me to pinch him?”

“Yeah”

“Want me to smack him in the face too?”

“Well that might be a step too far but if it’ll make you feel better go for it” Kelly replied patting Ty’s shoulder “Waking from a coma is a bit like waking from a three day bender. It’s slow, confusing and probably won’t be pretty. He’ll start opening his eyes, most likely just a flicker at first but he should be able to keep them open for longer periods of time as he becomes more conscious. Waking someone up becomes easier too. First they’ll respond to pain hence the pinch” Kelly explained reaching out to pinch the skin on Zane’s forearm “Then touch, like shaking his shoulder and finally sound, so calling his name”

“Nothing” Ty sighed, staring at Zane’s unresponsive face

“Give him time, Ty” Kelly squeezed his shoulder “I’ll be in the relatives room if you need me, Irish is outside, Digger and Ozone are in the canteen I think”

“Thanks Doc” Ty replied, squeezing Kelly’s hand that was still on his shoulder before Kelly slipped quietly out the room

Ty became aware of three things suddenly, an ache in his back, a quiet banging sound and the feeling of a hand on his head. Looking up quickly he felt his heart drop to his stomach when he took in Zane’s lifeless features, still the same non-expression. Slowly the last hour came back to him.

He’d tried pinching Zane more times than was probably necessary, on every patch of Zane’s skin he could get to. The response was the same no matter how hard he pinched, there was no response. Giving up he’d dropped his head to the mattress and placed Zane’s hand on top of his head. He’d woken a few times at home to the feel of Zane running his fingers through Ty’s hair. What he wouldn’t give to feel that now.

The banging happened again, louder this time. Ty realised it was someone at the door.

“Yeah?” he called, not sure why he bothered to keep his voice down, it wasn’t like he was trying not to disturb Zane.

Ty kept his attention on Zane as the door opened. It was the sound of a small gasp that made him turn around

“Oh God Z. He looks…”

Ty stood wordlessly, letting go of Zane’s hand he walked over and wrapped his arms around Zane’s little sister. He felt her arms wrap around him, squeezing tightly before letting go and taking a step back

“You look…rough” she offered a small smile

Ty ran a hand through his hair, under no illusion that it was probably sticking up in every direction. He hadn’t shaved in about a week neither so that combined with the fact he hadn’t left the hospital room in days probably wasn’t helping. One of his boys had called by the house and grabbed his go-bag so thankfully he wasn’t completely disgusting.   

“I…I’m”

“Sush Ty it’s ok” she told him stepping around him to approach the bed “Your friends outside told me what happened”

“He’s a goddamn hero, Annie”

“Yeah we heard he saved a little girl” she nodded, smiling at her brother

“I should have been there”

“From what I hear there was nothing anyone could have done” she stated “So stop beating yourself up over it, you’re here now and that will mean the world to him…and us”

“Us?”

“Mark’s outside with Sadie” Annie started gently taking Zane’s hand in both of hers “I wanted to see how he was doing before letting Sadie in”

“Your parents?”

“Are finding a hotel for us all”

Ty nodded, he had a feeling he should probably have offered to help with that. He was just about to offer an apology when Annie spoke up again

“The boys outside also said he should be waking up soon”

“Yeah, they reduced his medication hours ago” Ty sighed, running his hand through Zane’s hair “We’re playing the waiting game now”

“Was he, was he ready to be woken?”

“I asked that too” Ty had moved his hand down to rub the back of his fingers down the side of Zane’s face, well the bit he could reach above the mask “They had a tube down his throat that was breathing for him. Apparently due to infection risks the throat tube can only be used for three days max, then they have to do a tracheostomy, which is a tube directly into the windpipe through his neck I’ve been told” Ty sighed “His scans were positive so they decided to wake him now rather than do an additional procedure”

“So he could wake anytime now?” Annie questioned

“So they tell me, I don’t know if Doc’s outside but he’ll be able to give you a good run down on the medical side of stuff. Think they said age could be having an effect, older people take longer to wake up”  

They both watched Zane silently for a moment

“‘I’m not sure if Sadie should see this” Annie muttered after a while “It might upset her too much, it’s upsetting me”

Ty was about to respond when a new noise cut him off. When he saw Annie lean over the bed he knew he wasn’t hearing things

“Zane, darlin’” he coaxed, running his hand back through Zane’s hair “Zane, it’s Ty. Annie’s here too”

Zane’s eyelids flickered but didn’t open.

“Zane, c’mon Lone Star, open your eyes for us” Ty rubbed one of Zane’s shoulders “Please”

Ty moved the mask slightly and instantly wished he hadn’t. The noise Zane was making wasn’t comforting. Letting the mask fall back into place he reached over to press the nurse call bell

“Think Sadie will have to wait to see uncle Z” Annie muttered, reaching to put an arm around Ty, he hugged her tight nodding numbly in agreement  

Ty was lost in thought again. Annie had left after the nurse came into the room, responding to the call button. They’d checked over Zane and assured him that everything was fine. She had also let slip that if Zane hadn’t started to respond they were going to run an EEG to see just what kind of sleep Zane was in but since he was showing waking signs they were happy to hold off on that, for now.

Annie, gave Zane a kiss and told him she wouldn’t be long, then explained to Ty that she was going to take Sadie to the canteen, get her fed while updating her parents. She’d asked him to ring her as soon as Zane showed any other signs of waking. That had been almost two hours ago and although she’d come and gone again since then Zane was still mostly asleep.

Ty looked at their linked fingers and rubbed his thumb over their wedding tattoos – a habit he’d apparently picked up “C’mon Garrett” he was almost begging “Nap time’s over, it’s time to wake and face the world again”

Letting his head drop again he placed a kiss against their fingers

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere”

“Appreciate it”

The voice was rough with disuse but there was no mistaking it. Ty was on his feet instantly

“Oh shit, Zane?” clutching Zane’s hand to his chest, he leaned over to push Zane’s hair from his forehead “Can you see me?”

Zane blinked lazily and Ty held his breath waiting for Zane’s eyes to open again – god he’d missed those beautiful eyes. Zane grimaced as he swallowed. Ty helped him lean forward and take a small sip of water. When Zane swallowed again the process seemed easier he even managed to wet his lips

“Your throat will be sore, you’ve had a tube down there but there shouldn’t be lasting effects” Ty smiled, he knew he was grinning like an idiot but he didn’t care, he was so fucking relieved and Zane seemed to be focusing on him which was great, but Ty had to be sure “You can see me right?”

“Yeah” Zane returned his smile sleepily “Who are you?”

I wrote another C&R ficlet (is it still classed as a ficlet at 2K+ words?) – Zane is a goddamn hero…but Ty already knew that – based on the angst prompt “Oh fuck, oh fuck

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Name sir?”

“Kelly Abbott” Kelly replied, drumming his fingers lightly on the counter top “Not sure the name the rooms booked under though, my friends arrived last night, I’m supposed to meet them out on the hike after I dump my bags”

The brunette shook her head, eyes never leaving the computer screen in front of her “Nothing under Kelly Abbott”

“Try Nick O’Flaherty” Kelly suggested, mentally kicking himself, he knew he should have paid more attention when details of the trip were being thrown around “Or Tyler Grady”

The speed at which the receptionist’s head shot up would have been amusing if there weren’t tears in her eyes “What was that second name?”

“Tyler Grady?”

“Oh…” she retrieved a folded piece of paper from behind the keyboard and held it out with shaking hands “I’m so sorry, we tried to find them when it first came through but we can’t seem to get in contact, we’ve got someone out looking but…”

“What’s this?”

“I-I can’t, I’m sorry” she quickly left the reception and a very confused Kelly

Unfolding the paper he read the words written in neat handwriting, it took him four read throughs before the words sank in.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck

Bags forgotten he raced out into the mountain air, he had to get to Ty and he had to get there now.

~~~~~~

“Don’t you dare die on me, you hear that Garrett? don’t you fucking dare!”

He wasn’t expecting an answer and he didn’t get one. Even if Zane had been awake it would have been hard to speak around the tube down his throat, then again if he’d been awake there’d be no need for the tube in the first place.

Letting out a frustrated growl Ty stood up and began pacing, running both hands through his short hair as he approached the window. He couldn’t bring himself to actually look out at the world outside, at a world where life continued. Didn’t they realise that a vital part was no longer walking around? how could things be so normal when everything wasn’t.

Heading back over to the bed he fell back into the seat he’d just left. This couldn’t be real, it couldn’t be happening, it just couldn’t. Surely they deserved a break from the epic amount of shit they’d gone through. As a couple they spent far too much time in hospitals both as patients and visitors, it just wasn’t normal but then again when had anything about them been normal?  

His fingers found his husband’s, lacing together in a familiar act that felt one sided. Zane’s left hand was undamaged, so there was no reason not to hold it, the nurses’ had encouraged him to do just that actually. They also encouraged him to talk to the unconscious man. Ty had found that difficult, all he’d been able to find the strength to say so far were threats and insults, which thinking back to their early days was pretty standard. It had been the language they communicated best in.  

Squeezing Zane’s fingers tightly, Ty let his head fall to the bed, eyes closed he let the surrounding noises fill his mind. The monitor Zane was attached to was quiet thankfully, Ty had quickly learnt that beeping either meant a pump had stopped working or Zane had. The sound of the respirator was the sole noise within the private room, with every hiss Ty was reminded that the machine was breathing for his husband. It annoyed him but it was better than the alternative, whenever the machine paused between mechanical breaths Ty’s heart would stop until it started again. He had grown to fear the silence.

All other noise was muted, the traffic and street noise from outside, the activity going on in the rest of the hospital out on the corridor beyond the walls and the voices he could hear on the other side of the door. The voices he knew belonged to Sidewinder. He wanted to be alone, needed to be alone. In a fit of anger, grief and despair he’d gone as far as ordering Sidewinder to ‘fuck off’, they’d listened in the only way they knew how. They protested that he couldn’t technically order them anywhere anymore and left, only to set up some sort of guard outside Zane’s room.  

Ty felt warm tears as he thought of his brothers and how they’d banded round him, supporting him throughout all this despite what he said. He recalled Kelly’s shouts has he caught up to them, the way he’d bypassed Nick and ran straight at Ty, pulling him into a tight hug before holding him at arm’s length

“We have to go now, there’s been an accident. Zane’s in hospital”  

Everything else from that moment on had been a blur. He was aware that Kelly had handed a piece of paper to Nick when he thought Ty wasn’t looking and that it’d been passed between the others, but no one would let him see it. Kelly had used the words ‘critical but stable’ to describe Zane’s condition but really how would he know? he wasn’t there, Ty wasn’t there neither and that pissed him off. Ty assumed that there was something on the paper he shouldn’t see, whatever it was it was bad. Kelly was shaken, it took a hell of a lot to shake his boys, especially Doc when it came to medical stuff but shaken he was.  

Ty had never been more glad that Kelly had absentmindedly double booked himself – again – and had arranged to meet up with them on the hike. If he hadn’t they’d still be up a mountain none the wiser, as it was it had taken them too damn long to get to Zane’s bedside, even with Nick’s driving skills.

Lifting his head, Ty leaned forward in his chair, reaching out with his free hand to run his fingers through Zane’s curls. His hair was getting longer again, long enough that Ty could tuck a couple of stray strand behind Zane’s ears.

“Please don’t leave me” his whispered, standing so that he could place a kiss on Zane’s forehead. He couldn’t help but lightly touch the tubing and the strapping that rested on the edges of Zane’s mouth, it looked like it was leaving marks but that should probably be the least of his worries  

Three days it had been, three fucking days.

The coma his husband was in was medically induced. Kelly had assured him that that was common practise with brain injuries to give the body time to heal. The hospital staff didn’t seem all that worried and had deemed it safe for Zane to be placed in a side room. Ty had worried about that but had been shown the nurses station and the display that showed Zane’s vitals along with those of other patients on the ward. If anything went wrong they’d be there in seconds.

Zane’s injuries would have been impressive if they weren’t so life threatening or belonging to his lover. For fucks sake what had Zane been thinking? well knowing more about the circumstances of the accident Ty knew that his husband hadn’t been thinking, he’d reacted on instinct – the man was a fucking hero…but Ty had known that already.

Zane should have been with them. Sidewinder had been making every effort to meet up at least once every few weeks since their last emotion filled road trip. They’d been doing pretty well too. Zane was always invited but he’d declined this time. He’d wanted Ty to spend some time with his friends without him hanging around, they both knew Ty didn’t get to see them as much as he’d like.

If Zane had been with them he wouldn’t be lying in a coma, equally if Zane had been with them a little girl might have lost her life    

“You need to wake up and get better Lone Star” Ty started, moving his hand back up to the top of Zane’s bed. Picking up the cuddly toy he gently rubbed one of the bunny’s soft ears against Zane’s cheek “Feel that? That’s a present from a very lucky little girl that you need to meet properly”

Ty felt fresh tears falling as he recalled the knock on the door. Digger had stuck his head round and asked Ty if he’d mind a special visitor wanting to share her thanks. Who was he to deny an eight year old. Her very tearful parents had told him that she insisted on visiting the man who’d saved her, they wanted to thank him too. They’d also filled Ty in on what had happened. He’d listened quietly as the father described the moment he’d taken his daughter from the car, checked the street and not a car in sight had told her to cross quickly, that mummy was in the coffee shop on the other side. The car had apparently come out of nowhere, screeched around the corner and tore down the street at excessive speed.

The father’s voice broke but he’d taken a deep breath determined to get through his tale, as if it was the least he could do, to make sure the broken man in front of him was informed of just how much of a hero his husband was.

Zane had been leaving the coffee shop – the mother had recognised him – he’d obviously seen what was about to happen and ran into the street. The father had had the same idea but was slower, he’d watched helplessly as Zane had picked his daughter up, holding her above his head as the car hit him as it tried to swerve last minute. Nobody could quite recall the immediate events following the collision. EMT’s were on the scene quickly as were the police, both Zane and the little girl – Emily – had been taken to hospital, the car never stopped. She had suffered minor injuries and had been kept in a couple of days for observation.

Emily showed Ty her bright pink cast, her arm had been broken when Zane had landed on her, she wasn’t mad and had wanted to come and tell Zane that as well as thank him. The bunny she’d picked in the gift shop, she had one just like it at home who always made her feel better and she wanted Zane to have one too.

As they’d been leaving Emily had asked Ty for a hug, so that he could pass it along to Zane when he woke up. As he’d held the little girl he couldn’t help but notice that her head was level with his stomach, roughly the same place Zane’s hips came to on him. One of Zane’s, now broken, hips had taken the impact of the car, there was no doubt about it, if the car had hit the girl then she’d be dead.

“You saved her, darlin’” Ty told Zane, he wasn’t sure if Zane was aware of that, he wasn’t sure at what point Zane had lost consciousness. “Her name’s Emily and I promised that she could come see you when you’re home so you need to wake the fuck up and come back to me”

Sighing Ty placed the bunny back at the top of the bed and sank back into his chair, reaching out to hold Zane’s hand in both of his own

“I’m so fucking proud of you Zane, so fucking proud” Ty told his husband, squeezing his hand again “You’re a goddamn hero. She reminded me of your Sadie but I guess you already made that connection…” Ty trailed off before, wetting his lips before continuing “Sadie’s coming to see you too. I-I called your family, I had to” he still wasn’t sure he’d done the right thing. Zane and his family, well his mother, were getting along much better nowadays but he wasn’t sure if Zane would have wanted them to know about this.

“This, this is bad babe, they deserve to know and well…yeah they’re coming, next flight out of Texas Owen told me, I tried to make the call myself but as soon as I heard Annie’s voice I didn’t know what to say” Ty trailed off again, he was such a muddle of emotion he didn’t know what to do “I’m supposed to be good at this kinda shit, you know dealing with stressful, emotional situations. I’m trained for this but I just froze – Johns took over the call. I was there but I was fucking useless, just like now….”

Ty looked up at Zane’s expressionless face, focusing on his closed eyes “They tell me you banged your head when you hit the ground, that there’s some bleeding in there. That’s why they’ve put you in the coma. They’re planning on waking you up in a couple of hours, your last scan was really good so they’re confident” Ty sighed, bringing Zane’s hand up to his lips, he gently kissed Zane’s ring finger “So you’d better make the most of this nap because I’m expecting to see those beautiful eyes of yours soon, you hear me Garrett? You’re going to wake up and I’m going to be here and then we’re going to get you better again”

Placing Zane’s hand back on the bed, fingers still entwined, Ty couldn’t help but notice how their wedding tattoos lined up. Rubbing his right thumb over both tattoos he looked back up at Zane’s face

“Please wake up when it’s time Zane” he begged squeezing Zane’s fingers “I…I don’t know what to do without you”