Posts Tagged ‘pre-nickels’

I appear to be developing a bit of a habit writing these things – This one’s based on the “It’s okay to cry” prompt.

“It’s okay to cry”

Kelly felt himself tense, he’d been so lost in this thoughts he hadn’t heard anyone leaving the house let alone approaching him. Some recon marine he’d make, then again the guy approaching was also recon, one of the best he’d been told, so maybe he wasn’t meant to hear the approach.

“Who said I’m going to cry?”

“I can see it in your face”

“You’re not looking at my face”

“Fine, I could see it in your eyes earlier and your whole body is tensed up. It’s kinda obvious Doc”

Kelly remained silent, he wasn’t sure if he was in the mood for company and he really wasn’t sure if he deserved it, especially after what he’d done not fifteen minutes ago.

“It’s the anniversary isn’t it?” Kelly turned to look up at Nick, giving him a blank look. That was quite possibly the last thing he’d expected his teammate to come out with “Of when you lost your parents?”

Kelly felt his breath catch in his throat eventually managing to form words “How, how did you know that? I haven’t told anyone”

“I did some research” Nick confessed, looking guilty “Don’t take it personally, I looked into Johns and Digger’s backgrounds too. We’re supposed to be a team, I wanted to find out more about what makes you guys tick and what could potentially throw you off balance. I needed to know how to deal with and help you if you stumbled. You’re probably used to being the one to take care of everyone as the Doc but someone needs to be able to take care of you too”

Kelly just looked at him, he really wasn’t sure what to do with that or the ache that developed inside his chest.

“I asked around and looked into a few things, didn’t take me long to find out about a ten year old, orphaned on a stormy night in Colorado. There’s not many Kelly Abbotts out there who fit the age and location”

Kelly signed “I wasn’t hiding it I just…I dunno, I suppose I just didn’t want to be defined by it anymore” he trailed off, confused why he was even trying to defend this.

“Doc, you don’t have to keep anything from us. We’re a team, your shit is our shit just like our shit is your’s now too”

“I’m fine Nick” Kelly knew Nick wouldn’t believe him, hell a blind person wouldn’t have believed the voice he’d just spoken with

“That may be so” Nick started obviously humouring him as he sat down next to him on the curb in front of the house they shared “But still It’s okay to cry sometimes y’no, it doesn’t make you weak”

“I’m not weak” letting out a huff of breath Kelly turned to look at Nick “How’s Ty’s eye?”

“Ty’ll be fine, think it’s his pride that took the hit more” Nick gave him a lopsided smile “And I know you’re not weak, I wasn’t saying you were. I was just pointing out that it’s okay to express your emotions like this. It’s okay to grieve”

“It’s a bit late to still be grieving don’t you think?” Kelly let his head hang as he stared at the ground

“It’s never too late, trust me”

“I do” Kelly replied, sniffing and wiping at his eyes, tears hadn’t fallen yet but it could tell it wasn’t for lack of trying on their part

“You’re not alone” Nick said, shifting closer and wrapping his arm around Kelly’s shoulders “We all grieve for something”

Kelly tilted his head to look at Nick’s face, green eyes met him with a look that could only be called supportive “Thought your parents were still alive?”

“They are” Nick shrugged “Doesn’t mean I don’t grieve for the father I never had”

Kelly leaned into Nick’s side, trying to show some support despite how broken he currently felt.

Ty had given him a very brief warning when he’d joined Sidewinder a couple of months back. No major details just basic rundown of the rest of the team. He’d expected as much as their medic. Ty had gone over the medical aspects – who was allergic to what (mainly his own, Kelly had had to write a list of ‘what not to give Ty’ on the inside of his medkit since the list was that long) who was currently recovering from what recent injuries, who had prolonged issues etc – he’d then gone on to mention that Nick had had a rough childhood at the hands of his father. No details just a gentle warning that he could possibly be triggered if the wrong buttons were pushed. Kelly had met enough abused kids while he was in the foster system to know the how to deal with the fallout. He knew when to pay Nick close attention

Letting out a breath slowly he rested his head against Nick’s shoulder, not really caring what they must look like. He was a hugger, he liked contact with people and right now he just needed to be held until he felt willing to take on the world again. Nick seemed content to be there, offering all the support Kelly needed to get through this.

“Bet Ty’s pissed” Kelly spoke after a few minutes of contemplative silence

“He’s not mad at you” Nick reassured “He understands”

“Glad someone does because I sure as hell don’t” Kelly sighed again “I shouldn’t have done that”

“Forget about it, Ty won’t hold this against you, they’re good people. We all get why we’re here and understand that everyone has their own demons. We’re here to support you Doc, just as much as you’re here to fix us”

Nick squeezed his shoulder again before standing up “Come back inside whenever you’re ready” Nick stood up, brushing the grit off his sweatpants, he offered Kelly a warm smile “Eli’s offered to sleep on the couch if you still want some space. I suggest you say you do even if you don’t, cause that shit doesn’t happen often”

Kelly watched Nick head back into the house. The lights filtering through the closed curtains emitting a cosy, enticing glow. Leaning back on his hands, Kelly looked up at the night sky, the stars were not as bright here but then again he did grow up in the mountains. He let all the thoughts he’d been trying to organise run freely through his head – his parents, random memories of his once happy childhood, the night that changed everything, the feeling of his stomach dropping when he heard the knock at the door that stormy night, the way his babysitter (a young local girl) broke down and the police officer who told him what had happened when he found a ten year old Kelly sitting at top of the stairs, the way the tears in the police officer’s brown eyes were the only reason Kelly believed him.

His own tears were flowing freely now, he made no attempt to conceal them.

He thought of the way Nick had looked at him not long after he’d joined the team. One day he seemed to look at Kelly with an odd look in his eyes, then he’d wordlessly patted him on the back as he passed him on route to the kitchen. It had confused Kelly at the time but then he’d observed Nick hug, pat or hair ruffle the other guys randomly so he put it to one side. He’d assumed it was just a Nickism but now, now he suspected it was after Nick had learned about Kelly’s orphan status.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat staring at the sky lost in memories but eventually he felt the ache in his wrists. Shifting, he slowly got to his feet. The heartache wasn’t as bad, it still hurt, it always would but now, now it was manageable. Brushing down his jeans and wiping at his eyes with his shirt sleeves he turned towards the house, it’s warm glow and the no doubt warm embrace of his new family.